Did you hear about the one armed waiter?
He could take it but he couldn't dish it out
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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A man who was battered and bruised due to an accident was laying in a hospital bed.
He was wearing an oxygen mask and as the nurse walks past he mumbles "Are my testicles black?"
The nurse confused asks "Excuse me sir?"
Again the man mumbles "Are my testicles black?"
Being that the nurse was true to her job she thought what the hey, I'll have a look. So she removed the mans cover, got his nuts in her hands and had a good and thorough look. "They seems fine sir" she Replies.
The man with a big smile on his face remove his oxygen mask and says "that's all well and good love but are my test results back?
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Why did the baker have brown fingers? Because he kneaded a poo
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I went to the doctor with chest pains. He took some x-rays and an ECG, and then told me I had to stop masturbating. I asked him why; he said -
"Because I'm trying to examine you!"
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What do you call a man with no shins...?
Tony
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What's the first sign of madness?
Suggs walking up your drive
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What do you call a Spaniard coming out of hospital?
Manuel
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Went into PC world yesterday - jeez you have to be careful what you say in there....
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